Single or Married?

Growing up, I always wanted more. I could see, touch, and feel everything I  wanted.

For years I worked hard and achieved many of my goals. So why does my relationship status matter?

My hard work, late night hours of studying and writing papers are not truly validated because I am in my mid-twenties and  unmarried. How doI know this? There comes a time when you are sitting on the floor of your parents house, listening to a relative telling you how your life is going to play out.

In her head, my life appears like an after-school special.

I will find a good religious man (one that she approves of)

Him and I will marry through the Catholic church.

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***This is the part where I cringe inside because the discussion of religion with my extremely Catholic relative will be painful. Her disappointment, paired with the old Hispanic guilt, will slowly consume me. In the end, I nodded and listened to the rest.

     I will have a child, and she will babysit anytime she wants.

     Adoption is not option because it has to come from me.

** After listening and smiling for a good 20 minutes, I said goodbye and thought about my life.  I was not questioning the decisions I made. It was more questioning how I, and many others, fit into this mold that everyone around me seems to embrace?

How do I fit in? 

It seems like we are simply making our own molds. Where working, traveling, and simply being with our loved ones is enough for now. If marriage is on the horizon than it will happen. However, why rush it? Is it not supposed to be a an organic thing?

The deeper question is, why does marriage=happiness?

Men and women have different definitions of happiness. If we all thought the same we would be living inside a Leave it to Beaver special. Nevertheless, I never aspired to marriage. I aspired to be happy being me. Loving me for me. Being able to help others and find meaning in my life. This is my view, so why try to push the issue on me and many others?

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If you are happily married with children, good for you! Honestly, love and commitment are hard to find, so when you find it hold on to it. More importantly, if your career along with a family (of your own) is your definition of happiness, then so be it. Let happiness come your way. More than anything, I am struggling with the misconception of a single  woman equating to a victorian ideal of a sad, old spinster with cats who sits by her window waiting for the day when her love comes and rescues her.

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My rant is over! I guess I just wanted to feel like I was not the only one that feels like it will happen when it happens.




7 thoughts on “Single or Married?”

  1. You’re definitely not alone! I’m very happy with myself and the life I’ve built with my wife. But people have made it clear that we should be planning to have children even though neither one of us want them. In fact, I was thankful to meet some one who wants the same things in life.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s amazing. People should be happy for others and celebrate with them. Celebrate the accomplishments and happiness that others have in their lives. Thanks for sharing and letting me know I am not alone.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Damaras, I’m here to tell you that marriage does not always equal happiness. I am in my second marriage and finally found happiness in a relationship. In my first marriage I was lonely (he was a workaholic) and unhappy. As long as you are happy living out your dreams, it doesn’t matter if you are married or not (although I know that’s not what society believes!) This is what I teach my daughters, ages 18 and 9. I am enjoying your blog! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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