This past week was my birthday. I wish I could say I had a glamorous birthday, but I did not. For some reason, I was dreading my birthday this year. Friends and family asked what I wanted to do and my reply was “nothing, just something low-key.” I wanted to spend time with the people in my life and not party and spend a crazy amount of money. To top it all off, my anxiety was at a new level. I haven’t had a panic attack in a while, but I could feel the warning signs coming on. When I finally sat down and talked it out with my best friend pieces began to come together.
With all the changes in my life, I forgot to really take time to adjust accordingly. Change is tricky it is either gradual or instant, and for me it was instant. While it was a positive change, I needed to be able to talk to someone about my fears, issues, goals, and dreams. Overall, I needed to tell my confidant that I felt so overwhelmed and alone while experiencing so many changes. We can all agree change is scary especially when you are moving towards bettering yourself in terms of personal/ professional ways. Nevertheless, the most difficult thing is that not everyone can see how an anxiety filled mind works with all of the changes.
For example, I begin to worry about the little things like learning procedures quick enough, transferring of health insurance, or fitting in? Will I become a better person/ professional? Every scenario played in my mind. However, what I found to be the key to my overwhelming feelings and wanting to ignore the world, is that I never share them with anyone. I have close friends and a great support system but to have someone to vent to, to come home and watch television with, or even to split the bills with would be great.
I have been living on my own and paving my way for a long time. Yet as I get older, I find that life keeps testing me and I sometimes do not feel stronger for it. I have never needed anyone, nor is this about needing someone. This is about understanding that suffering with anxiety is isolating and it is not intentional. More anxiety builds up if you live alone and have no one to be able to share your daily highs and lows.
For the time being, I am making the effort to rely on my friends and the help of family to help me. The truth is that we can all use a little bit of help from our friends.